Work For It, Baby

   I spent the entire day yesterday with a wonderful new friend, and we chatted and cried a little over lunch, talking of our past. We described good and bad times alike, as the tears dripped from our chins and we picked slowly at our food. We laughed and shopped, we got our sweat on at the gym, and had an overall fantastic day together. After such long conversations of the past, by the end of the day I began to speak of it as if it were in some way still my life. Instead of saying, "We used to love that place." I would say something like, "We love that place." It occurred to me that it is entirely possible to have the relationship I once loved and cherished so much back again. It will take time and communication, playing hard to get, and self improvement. It will take me being dedicated to myself for once. Getting in shape, taking care of my finances responsibly, getting into the habit of always having a clean home.
   I am more than willing to go down this journey to find myself and who I once was, and improve that person and be even better than I used to be, because to me, that means I might have a chance of getting my love back. Being able to start fresh, both with new bodies, new attitudes, and new found confidences in everything both of us do. I think if we venture down this path and meet at the end, it could be something even more fantastic than the first time around.
   I am also mentally prepared in case the day comes and I realize there is no chance. Only friendship. But at that point, I will be happier, more fit, financially secure, doing well with my studies. I plan on having my life in order before I try to take any kind of leap into anything, with Lindsey or not. I will be whole by myself, not needing someone to fulfill me, because I will be fulfilling myself.
  Tiffany and I decided yesterday that in order to get this ball rolling and not let too much time pass by before planting the seed of love again, I must now play hard to get. Lindsey knows I love her, she knows I want her back and miss her terribly. I've shown her that and told her that, time and time again. That is not the person she fell in love with. That is not the person she wants. The person she met almost two years ago was cool and confident, not clingy in the slightest. So the master plan over the next few weeks/months (however long getting situated in a healthy life routine takes) is this: I will not text her every day. I will go days without contacting her, even sometimes when she contacts me. I will not reply to calls or texts immediately, and I will not post every day on Facebook. In the process of pretending like I'm happy and having fun, I'm actually going to do that. I will show her that she is not all that consumes me anymore. That I am happy and fun, and that she should want that in her life as much as possible. I will not be totally available at her every beck and call. She will have to work for my attention.