Gaping holes

I realized just now, I am going to make myself sick worrying about who she is texting, what she is doing, who she is with, if she is falling in love with someone else. I am going to give myself ulcers! I need to stop. I need to stop obsessing. I need to stop caring. I need to breathe. I need to see a therapist.

Just because she caused me gaping holes in my heart does not mean I can allow her to create gaping painful holes in my stomach also. I've been down that road before and I can't allow myself to go there again. Ulcer's suck and they hurt like hell. And if I had changed my diet like I should have, it would have consisted of very bland food, which means my new favorite peanut sauce would be off the menu! I can't have all that happen again just because I want to care and worry about what is going on in her "love life".

I hate her though. I hate her because she is ok. Because she is not as heartbroken as I am. Because she's just moving on with life, and I am too in other ways, but I just hate her because when we first started dating she was the one who was obsessed with me, how amazing I was, how much she loved me. And here I am a year and a half later in love all alone, and she's moved on. I didn't care as much as she did at first, and now I'm stuck caring about someone who doesn't care about me, romantically anyway. I hate it.
It hurts my pride when people aren't as heartbroken over me as I think they should be. But not only that, in this case, it hurts even more because of the fact that I'm CURRENTLY still in love. Fuck girls.