I enrolled in college tonight. As of now I will be focusing my studies on Sociology and Psychology. Those are what interest me the most. Social and Behavorial studies. Sex studies. Sexual health, sexuality, LGBT.. I'm hoping I can turn those interests into some type of rewarding career some day. I'm not really going into college with much expectation other than to find myself. I know I will find what I want to do. And I'm okay if it is something completely different than I've ever expected. That would kind of be nice.
I'm a bit confused on the whole process. I feel like there is just this whirl wind of things going on with college apps, scholarships, loans, credits, tests and prereqs. I think I am doing it right so far?
I'm really excited. I know it is weird but looking back on being in school I miss studying, writing papers and doing math homework. It has been 3, count them: One, Two, THREE years since I have been in a math class. Or a science class for that matter. Shit it's been 3 years since I've done any kind of real class besides writing/English. I definitely miss it. And I'm also glad I'm not going to be a screw up anymore and put off college until one day I'm old sick and dying and I realize I never did it. I'm glad I am.
It kinda makes me wanna be like, see, Lindsey.. I can do something I put my mind to.. She has never said that I don't. But I know she thinks it. Everyone does because it is true. I always get these great amazing ideas and never follow through with them. I want her to see me doing this and be like, Damn.. She's really doing it!
That's right. I am also going to fit into my damn pants again! all of them!! The ones that were once baggy and are too freakin tight right now, will once again be baggy. I will be able to shop without completely wanting to off myself. I got my hair cut and colored today. It is really short with some spunk and spike through the middle. Just how I like it. Off my ears and off my neck, short and beautiful! I colored it from light faded shitty red the other day, to a dark brown that I hated. So today I put some reds back into it. It's still very dark with a plum color that glistens in the light. I'm loooving it. I changed my make up also. I bought new eye colors. So now I'm using about 5 different ones to make an array of beautiful bronzes, browns and silvers. It's looking very pretty these days. I'm quite proud!
I'm such an emotional wreck right now, I am all over the board. From loving and missing Lindsey to resenting her, to being excited it's over, to contemplating throwing myself on the ground and begging her back. Missing an old love, not caring about anything, and back to missing and loving Lindsey. I need to just cool it and get ahold of myself! Take a breather and stop thinking for a while.. Stop worrying about what is not here right now. We have a month before school or my apartment actually get here. Right now all I have to do is work and hang out with my sister, and try to find some friends. Not think about love or pain or hurt or sadness or memories. Soon I will scream if I don't just get it together.
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